Justina Mutale Gets The GAB

"There is not one marriage in today's culture that is not vulnerable. Why? Because we've allowed the culture to seep into our souls...

Clearly we can no longer pattern our marriages after the people around us -- if we ever could. Not only does the world not know how to divorce-proof its marriages, it is well on the way to making broken relationships the norm"

-- Dr. Fred Lowery

I want to start by saying, I believe marriage is a beautiful institution and it can work if both of you are determined to make it work! My parents got divorced when I was 5 years old but my father remarried a couple of years later and that marriage has lasted. So I know that sometimes it doesn't go too well and has to end, and sometimes it does work and lasts a life time. If you are between 20yrs – 40yrs you probably know more than three people who are divorced or getting divorced. Do you think they have valid reasons? These days someone can leave youbecause you irritate them and they just don't love you anymore. It’s kinda like getting a new puppy, in the beginning you pamper it, over feed it, buy it toys, a fancy collar, give it cute names... then it starts growing and the cuteness begins to fade. Cleaning up after it becomes horrific and nauseating. It cannot fit into its little basket and develops its own personality, it now challenges you, you're no longer the boss, it still licks your foot and jumps on you but it's not the same. How can you get back to how it used to be?

Do women know what rights or equal opportunities they are fighting for today? Is a gender balance achievable? I can make as much money as a man, be more educated and intelligent but I can never be a man and that's just fine with me. I don't want to compete with men, God has given us different and special individual blessings as women and men. Someone needs to educate me, what is my role in a marriage. The bible says the man should be a man and look after his wife and home. Society says I should contribute, pay bills, buy food and clothe the children. What is going on? Don't call women who feel men must look after them gold diggers or cheap, the bible tells us our men will look after us. Don't even think about bringing up the submissive issue because I will not be a dignified maid, but because I love my man I will make sure he is fed, healthy and happy. My place is not in the kitchen by the way, I'm at work most of the day like him so also deserve to touch the remote when we get back home. I will not take my heels off and place the brazier (mbaula) between my thighs to prepare his hot meal. If I can pay someone to cook for us, is that a crime? I love cooking and will do so as much as I can. By the way I hate doing dishes, but I love a clean kitchen, I have mastered the art of packing plates neatly in a sink, you would be amazed. I will love my man selflessly, promise not cheat and be a great friend. Can I ask him to do the same?

What is marriage? I think God had a serious plan for us but we have redefined it and totally ruined the plan that is why it is not working. Do our men understand that the fact that they have to look after their women and that it is an instruction from God! This is not a joke, it's a serious order.

So I'm almost 30yrs old, not married , went through my panic stage a few years ago but right now I am at peace. I know my HIV status, I have a good job, great friends and really enjoy dating.

What about you?

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My Views
written by Chilufya Musosha, October 22, 2007

i think i miss the good days when our parent trapped us into marrying their friend's daughter... at least we had someone top blame if she turned out pycho! ha ha... Great article!

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written by musyani, December 23, 2007

i too miss the time when mum trapped me in a group of her school buddies and the proceed to poke and probe me...while passing their daughters phone numbers and emails: "she's into TV also you should call her and talk..blah balh blah....anyhu amd gettin to a point in life where am cool with who i am and love what am doing...but i often wonder if i'd be alone some day, wondering if i'd gotten married????

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written by Logan, January 11, 2008

What kind of bible are you reading?(Mind you some bibles are editted)

The bible i know also says that a woman will be a helper to a man...in addition to the man looking after the woman!

If you are single in this day and age and still waiting for a knoght in shining arnour(terms that don't hail from our culture), you will remain doomed!

No one will look after you in this day and age...

If you are happy to be single, then why are talking about marriage in the first place...?

Remain single and happy they way you are,...

CIAO!

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Hypocrisy of ideology
written by Helen, February 04, 2008

It’s called hypocrisy of an ideology.


The ideology of marriage is based on the concept of Love.
The hypocrisy stems from the fact that marriage is meant to be based on Love but people find it difficult loving a fellow human being let alone one whom you are meant to spend the rest of your life with.
I also come from a separated home, and believe that marriage is an institution that God created to test our ability to love and re-create love.
Charity they say begins at home, if from origin to the world we as humans were able to live in harmony without the forces of evil adulterating our minds maybe we would have attained perfection.

The good book says Love endures all things, so I always ask why can’t we love each other and find peace with all men.

Marriage is really a beautiful institution and surely can work if we all stop being SELFISH.

Most marriages do not have valid reasons why they should be separated, what happens is that we are not true to ourselves let alone be true to others around us.
Let’s face reality.

It is really based on human beings being POLYGAMOUS in nature, as the economist says “human wants are insatiable”.

For most relationships people tend to blame the other person for what he or she is doing wrong without checking to see if they also have a problem.
I always say it’s about “TOLERANCE” this I suppose is a virtue that we all as humans need to work on.
The saying goes; if you love me you’d love my dog”
And I tell you dogs can really be nasty especially if you don’t like animals.

Concerning gender equality this should be viewed from two angles;
There can never be a gender balance and women really should learn to draw the lines when it comes to power and authority in marriage.
If you are a Christian the good book in details gives a clear picture of a woman’s role in the world.

From prehistoric times we have all been subjugated to be under authority especially when It comes to marriage. The whole confusion is this, MEN tend to overate their roles as Alpha Males, without remembering that the wives also has a function in their lives.

As per social-relationship of women there can be a balance as long as our Alpha Males recognize that we are also human not just trophies to be won. Men should know that a wife is a friend and not a tool.

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Jah know
written by kalale, February 05, 2008

Culture is what moulds peolpe together.Us Africans have to go back to our roots because we have let western ideas brain wash us. Personally, i would never get married to someone who is materialistic because that relationship is based on modernised sighting where someone will love you for something.Rememeber this,culture does not change but time changes human beings.Don't be brain washed,let's stick to our reality.We are africans and will always be.marriage is the price women pay for sex and sex is the price men pay for marriage.

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written by emsy, February 26, 2008

very constructive response from Logan

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