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Close Encounters of the Boyfriend Kind |
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Written by Simunza S. Muyangana
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My friend Trevor and his wife often laugh at me because I tend to end up becoming acquaintances with the boyfriends of girls I've liked. It has never been intentional and it is a really weird thing. In one particular case I've even become better acquainted (actually, we're friends now) with one guy than I am with his ex-girlfriend who introduced me to him.
To give some pretext to the situations, I prefer not to date women that are already involved with someone else. So generally what has happened is that I've either found out a little later in the development phase of what I think could become an exclusive relationship or in most cases the lady gets tired of waiting for me to make my intentions clear and guy B (may he should be A since he gets the girl) sweeps her away with his charm.
The crazy thing are the incidences that come about when I eventually meet "The Man". I'll stop rambling and give you a couple of scenarios with the hope that you'll have a good laughing at my expense. I've changed the settings but close friends may recoginse the characters involved.
Story A
At the turn of the century (Hehehe ... that sounds like it was so, so long ago) I met Girl A. We chatted for a while by phone before eventually deciding we'd go out. Sadly, however, on the night proposed I had a calamity regular to life in Jozi befall me. I got mugged on my way to picking up the lady. Traumatised I still made it to meet my date and asked if she didn't mind me cancelling our date so that I could go home. She was sweet, understanding and a friend of hers lent me his phone to contact the relevant authorities. He even helped me flag down a cab for my ride home.
The very next day I sent her a bouquet of flowers to apologise for cancelling on her at the very last minute with a proposal for a future date. The flowers were delievered to her at her work place. The previous night I had forgotten my ID book at her residence with the security officer on duty I went back there, missed her but ended up bumping into the friend that had assisted me the night before. We made small talk and I made my way home.
I eventually did meet the girl for many dates soon after and I thought things were going fine. Many weeks later I went to the movies (on my own) and met her friend. The conversation went something like this ...
Friend of Girl (FOG): Hi
Me: Hi , It's been a while.
FOG: How have you been? You look a lot better.
Me: I've been well. Thank God, I survived that traumatic incidence.
FOG: have you been seeing Girl A? Those flowers you sent were her were lovely. Wheer did you get them?
At this point something clicked in my hand. I can't say what but there was deifintely something about the way he said that.
Me: Oh! Somewhere close to home. What movie are you seeing?
FOG mentions some movie title. It's the one I want to see.
Me: I'm seeing . I hope you enjoy your movie.
I then proceed to make sure he bought his movie ticket. I bought mine and then walked out of the cinemaplex.
Later on I found out that FOG was her boyfriend and sadly one who used to beat her up. I met him a couple of times courtesy of the Johannesburg Popular Public Transport System (mini buses). About a year later he got my number from her and asked me to go into business with him. I declined and haven't seen him since.
Story B
I'd met Girl B in church. We went on a couple of dates but ended up becoming good friends in the process. Some where along the way I think she forgot to mention that she had a boyfriend until we met at a function.
Girl B: Hey Simunza, Thank you for coming. Meet my boyfriend, BF.
Me: (With a big grin, trying not to show I'm shocked) Oh cool, BF. It's a pleasure meeting you.
Girl B: Can I leave you two together whilst I chat to those guys over there.
BF: Sure
Me: Sure
BF and I chit chat and about everything from work to the how corny ads can be (OK. It's all work related somehow). A friend to BF (FTBF) joins us later whilst we're chatting.
BF: (In his deep baritone voice) Hey FTBF! How are you doing?
FTBF: I'm cool, bro. How are you?
BF: I'm good. By the way, meet Simunza. He is a friend to Girl B. I still don't know how they met.
Me: (Choking on my drink and my voice almost gone.) We met in church ... (In the back of my mind I hoped he wouldn't ask much more.)
Story C
I was having drinks with a lady when a man walks in. He and the girl I'm with (Girl D) greet each and then ...
Girl D: Meet Simunza.
Man: Hi Simunza. Girl C mentioned you were around.
Me: Hi. That's nice of her. (I think I look slightly puzzled)
Girl D: is my Uncle. He is the boyfriend to Girl C.
Me: Oh yeah. Girl C mentioned the name. (Sadly, I'm lying.) Pleausure to finally put a name to the face.
Man and Girl D continue to chat and he eventually says bye.
Girl C: How do you know Girl D?
Me: We're friends from way back.
I was trying not to say "I used to have crush on your Uncle's girlfriend." Besides Girl C never ever mentioned she was seeing someone.
You've got to love this life!
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