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Anybody reading this should at least know that men and women are from different planets. If you are reading this and you didn’t know that, please stop for a while then ask your elder brother about ‘birds and bees’, where babies come from, etc and after you’re all grown up then you may read on.
Ladies, when was the last time that you told your man you love him? Valentines Day doesn’t count.Men, do you know where the flower shop is? You’ve been married for what? 5 years? When was the last time you went out to Zenon with your woman? And I’m not talking about the girlfriend. Do you remember how you used to hold hands when you were still trying to score some points? Sista, remember how much you used to go out of your way (and out of your means) to look good for your man? What happened to all that? Well don’t worry (ala wisakamana), we will help you to re-light the fire, put back the steam in your relationship. Guys, get your woman to fall in love with you all over again. Ladies – get your man back. The Martians/ Aba lumendo/ Men
Trust me, none of the following actions will kill you. I know you’d rather do a bunjee jump but chill, take a deep breath... - Cook for her. No matter how hopeless, tasteless or lethal the outcome, she will enjoy it.
- Wash the dishes after a meal.
- Open the doors for her, whether car doors, (minibus doors?) or any other doors. This may sound silly after 2 years of marriage (and the fact that you haven’t done it since you said ‘I do’), but we are going back to basics.
- Pull out a chair. Not just once, but every time and everywhere: from when you are eating Masala at Danny’s to when you are about to ‘graze’ nshima and chi bwa bwa.
- Say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’. I know this may be the scariest. Don’t worry, it will get easier with practice. Start by using these words on your children and once you feel more natural, try them on your wife, your secretary (she’ll probably think you are hitting on her), the girl at the till at Shoprite etc. You don’t have to use it on your fellow men though – gotta be Mr. Tough Guy, right?
The Venusians/ Aba nakashi/ Ladies.
I know you don’t believe you can light his fire any more. You haven’t been able to lose that weight you put on when you were pregnant, and now he calls you ‘mummy’ in the most unromantic way. Well listen sweetie, no matter how often he takes the skinny girl out shopping; you’re the one he comes home to. Now we just gotta keep him there. - While together in the company of friends, brag about his latest accomplishments. This means though, that you have to start finding out what’s happening in his life. I know you’ve lost track.
- Ask for his advice on an important decision. Your favorite Martian will love this one. You see on Mars, to be consulted means that one is held in high esteem, highly respected. Uh-huh.
- To celebrate one of his 364 ‘un-birthdays’ and, ‘un-valentines’, make him breakfast in bed. Be creative girl!
- Buy him an easy chair to be known from that day forward as ‘The Throne’.
- After you use them, always, but always put his tools back where they belong!
Okay, enough for today class. Remember we have a mission here - Code name: “Re-light the Fire”.
It’s top secret. You partner must not know what you are trying to do or you will just scare them away. Take it easy and slow, make it look natural. Don’t be surprised if at first you are greeted with funny looks and suspicion or, “Okay, what do you want”. And look after yourselves, and each other. Yuck! I can’t believe I said that!
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